Relational Sins

Dishonor

Deut 5:16
16 "Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you. NIV

The implication behind this verse is that if you do not honor your father and mother your life will not go well nor be very long. How this sin traps us is through deception, our need to protect, and denial of quilt concerning this sin. Protection comes into play early in our childhood. The wounded heart created by God needs resolution. In fact, anger and hurt is God given responses to wounding. Yet our dysfunctional families taught us “don’t talk about it, don’t tell it”. This attitude may have come more through action than words, but regardless of how the message conveyed to us, it still got through.

Because dysfunction did not allow us to communicate our feelings, we resorted to an escape of our emotions through an un-healthy means, regrettably that solution involved relational sin. These sins hold us captive and cause us to repeat the wounding cycle. The first sin we need to look at is dishonor of parents. Dishonor can happen in the open, most of the time it happens in the secret place of the heart. Regardless of how it happens, its effect is the same. It may be a tongue stuck out behind a door, or open rebellion. Dishonor’s fruit is deadly to future relationships.

Does the phrase “don’t talk about it don’t tell it” sound familiar when you think about your childhood?

How did your parents discipline or lack there of make you feel? Did you consistently react with honor or dishonor?

Did your caregivers allow you to express your feelings or hurts?

Have you recognized a dysfunctional pattern in your relationship with significant other people (spouse or fiancé)?

Judgment

Matt 7:1-2
"Do not judge or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “

Luke 6:37-38
37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

John 8:15-17
5 You judge by human standards; I pass judgment on no one. 16 But if I do judge, my decisions are right, because I am not alone. I stand with the Father, who sent me.
NIV

Rom 2:1-2
2:1 You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.
NIV

When we judge others, we set ourselves up to repeat the same patterns. The Bible teaches about two distinct ways we reap when we judge. The first is we draw to us people that continue the pattern of abuse; the second is we become the abuser. When we add in to this mix the law of sowing and reaping we understand how generations deteriorate without the power of the Lord in their lives. The power of Jesus and the power of true repentance are the only things that will break the cycle of judgment. No one can guarantee that reaping will immediately stop; in fact, you will reap as long as you need to. Thank God, for the mercy and grace that He gives, He knows us and quite possibly, we never reap what we truly deserve.

Clues of judging

• Unresolved anger toward someone
• Reaping (having the same thing done to you or doing the same thing to others)
• Avoiding the person
• Bitterness
• Hatred
• Disliking
• Looking down on
• Condemning
• Wanting revenge
• Unanswered prayers
• Wishing harm
Do you see the same things happening to you repeatedly? If yes, explain:

In your past and present relationships, can you see the same circumstance repeating itself?

Dealing with the roots:

1. Heal the wound that brought the sinful response.
2. Recognize the sinful response
a. Dishonor
b. Judging
3. Confess the sinful response in prayer – James 5:16
4. Release the judgment against the person
5. Have someone who understands their authority as a believer to pronounce forgiveness
6. Learn to walk free

Father I thank you for revealing my sinful response. I confess my sin of dishonoring my _____________ by judging them for ______________. I release my judgment against them and ask you to forgive me for dishonoring and judging them.

The judgment is like a hook in your soul that catches into the other person’s dysfunction. We need that person to do exactly what they are doing until we have reaped enough. When we release our judgment they may stop, but probably will not. However, the hook in us is no longer available and we are able to respond differently. True healing begins to happen and we are free to respond differently.